Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Christmas This Year
In the truest sense, God is gracious.
I was pretty upset about not spending Christmas in its true meaning. I grumbled and whined and complained. God probably heard, and couldn't stand me.
So He "saved" my Christmas; thanks to my brother in-law, and my father in-law; and my father-in-law is not even a Christian.
My father in-law recently went through a bout of illness. That probably set us thinking about our own mortality; the frailty of life. He decided that we (my wife's family) should spend the festive holiday together as a family, including his god-daughter, whom I met the first time. So we spent three nights and four days drifting in the strait of Malacca. We had good food, plenty of rest, some time off shore in Langkawi and Singapore; but most of all, we had lots and lots of time together as a family.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Christmas
There's a lot of controversies on Christmas. For most of us though, let us worry about something even more fundamental than the controversies of Christmas.
One of the problem of being a first generation Christians is that we live in a cultural vacuum; without history, without a past, and without a cultural identity. What do I mean by that? Simple. I am a Chinese; besides speaking, reading and writing Chinese, and besides knowing a little bit about Chinese history, literature, philosophy etc, I live like a Chinese. I eat Chinese food, I celebrate Chinese festive days, including Chinese New Year. I celebrate Chinese New Year not merely as a holiday - the Malays and Indians have holidays on Chinese New Year, too. I celebrate Chinese New Year with the Eve Dinner, with giving out red packets, with eating Chinese new year cake etc etc etc. This reinforces the importance and centrality of family and family life.
I am a Christian, too. But am I a Christian culturally? Well, do I celebrate Christmas in a way different to people of other faiths? No, not really. Christmas is spent in front of the idiot box, or a tour or a cruise. We have a Christmas tree, but no, it would be too expensive to keep the lights on. Christmas pudding? Wah! RM 16 a piece, too expensive. We need to save up the money for the house mortgage. ("By the way, be grateful that someone paid for your cruise!")
Pragmatism, expediency, practicality - but these not are the only killer of Christmas.
The biggest killer is our willingness to drift along, our failure to think a little bit more. What's so important about these things anyway? Christmas night is no longer spent singing carols to remember the birth of Jesus; to praise and inculcate the gratitude to God for giving us his Son this time 2 000 years ago. Christmas is no longer peaceful and joyous, to reflect our Christian life because Jesus was born to die for us. Christmas is rushing, hurrying, getting intoxicated by fun etc.
Pretty soon, we will drift along in other ways - in our thinking, our living, our habits; our hands, our head, our heart, and Christmas is no longer our heritage; as much as God is no longer our inheritance.
Don't be old fashion, emotional and sentimental, you might say. But I am old fashion and emotional about this; how can I not be, when He as the Almighty God is willing to send his one and only Son to die in my stead?
I did have a Merry Christmas (and the only carols I had was over youtube), or should I say, a Happy Pagan Winter Solstice Holiday. Instead of Jesus, we have this father of winter solstice.
And we blame our children for not being Christian enough ....
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Caring doctors
There are lots of complaint that doctors are not being caring enough.
I remember starting my internship - we started work at 7 am and did not go back till 9 pm on a good day (or night?). When we went on call, we would work till 10 or 11 pm. The next day started at 7 am again. I used to fall asleep listening to the patient's story.
I look at some of the housemen/interns here; they start work at 7 am, and work straight till the next day 5 pm. That's 31 hours straight, often without lunch or breakfast in between. They could hardly keep themselves on their feet or their eyes open. It was good enough that they remain sane after their houseman years; to ask that they be sympathetic when they are hardly awake most of the time is asking too much. And they are often blamed for not knowing when no one has ever taught them before. (pity them =D)
One of my greatest story is this patient from Mentakab, who went to the Accident and Emergency Department and seek emergency help at 2 am because he had a ... guess what? A blocked nose!!
Then my resident (MO, or medical officer) years. That was a blur; the only thing I remember is trying hard to study for my specialist exam, working, and waking up in the middle of the night trying to feed either Nicole or Timothy. Oh and one more thing I remember. When she was barely 2, Nicole had this tendency to wake up at 2 or 3 am and wanted to go outside to play.
I remember, too, there was a lot of fight with my wife Belinda. It was a miracle that our marriage hit the rock so many times and yet it did not break up. The Titanic would have sunk many a-times ago. When you were barely awake most of the time, and your wife threw so many plates at you (figuratively speaking, of course) that you ducked instinctively every time you saw her, and you were asked to be sympathetic to the patients; now that, too, is asking a bit too much.
Until and unless we treat our junior doctors better - and they are on the frontline, seeing the patients first and the most number of times - it is not possible to have them care more for the patients.
Even Superman would have lost his temper.
All these talks about choosing the right personality, right character, right motivation, right psychology, etc etc etc before being admitted into medical school is just plain smoke-screen.
Well the hard fact is, we are not willing to pay our doctors more or to treat them better, full-stop.
And some people wonder why I don't encourage my kids to do medicine.
I remember starting my internship - we started work at 7 am and did not go back till 9 pm on a good day (or night?). When we went on call, we would work till 10 or 11 pm. The next day started at 7 am again. I used to fall asleep listening to the patient's story.
I look at some of the housemen/interns here; they start work at 7 am, and work straight till the next day 5 pm. That's 31 hours straight, often without lunch or breakfast in between. They could hardly keep themselves on their feet or their eyes open. It was good enough that they remain sane after their houseman years; to ask that they be sympathetic when they are hardly awake most of the time is asking too much. And they are often blamed for not knowing when no one has ever taught them before. (pity them =D)
One of my greatest story is this patient from Mentakab, who went to the Accident and Emergency Department and seek emergency help at 2 am because he had a ... guess what? A blocked nose!!
Then my resident (MO, or medical officer) years. That was a blur; the only thing I remember is trying hard to study for my specialist exam, working, and waking up in the middle of the night trying to feed either Nicole or Timothy. Oh and one more thing I remember. When she was barely 2, Nicole had this tendency to wake up at 2 or 3 am and wanted to go outside to play.
I remember, too, there was a lot of fight with my wife Belinda. It was a miracle that our marriage hit the rock so many times and yet it did not break up. The Titanic would have sunk many a-times ago. When you were barely awake most of the time, and your wife threw so many plates at you (figuratively speaking, of course) that you ducked instinctively every time you saw her, and you were asked to be sympathetic to the patients; now that, too, is asking a bit too much.
Until and unless we treat our junior doctors better - and they are on the frontline, seeing the patients first and the most number of times - it is not possible to have them care more for the patients.
Even Superman would have lost his temper.
All these talks about choosing the right personality, right character, right motivation, right psychology, etc etc etc before being admitted into medical school is just plain smoke-screen.
Well the hard fact is, we are not willing to pay our doctors more or to treat them better, full-stop.
And some people wonder why I don't encourage my kids to do medicine.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
The Many Pains of Love
Fatherhood is positively good for the faith.
My daughter returned from a church camp spiritually fired up; until of course, we douse her with the cold water of reality at home.
We went out to a local hypermarket to get something, and along the aisle, got distracted and mum started choosing a schoolbag for her. She got all embarrassed, and in an effort to stop our incessant urging, shushed us to shut up.
Young lady, that was rude, and I did not spare my temper on her. She got even more embarrassed. She probably did not realise how rude that was in Asian culture; when she realized it, she tried hard to behave herself. Sometimes they are so mature, and yet at other times, they are not different from little kids. One of the pains of love is to continue to love and forgive when our temper flares.
Talking about growing up. They do grow up fast, and soon they will be leaving home. When we celebrated her sixth birthday, I told myself, one third of her time with us is gone; and as I counted the time she still had with us, I cried.
Then we celebrated her twelfth birthday. Again, two thirds of her time with us had gone. I counted again the years she still had with us. I cried again.
The other pains of love is this - that you should love someone so much knowing full well that you can't keep them.
In many ways, God probably feels the same with us. Sometimes we are so mature, yet at other times, we could be positively wicked and evil.
God loves us so much as he wants to keep us forever with him; yet he loves us enough to let us go, even for all eternity.
Before she slept that night; I gave her a hug, as we always do, and told her that though I might be very mad at her, I still love her. I can't stop loving her whatever happen.
The other pain of love is this - however painful it gets, we still can't stop loving.
My daughter returned from a church camp spiritually fired up; until of course, we douse her with the cold water of reality at home.
We went out to a local hypermarket to get something, and along the aisle, got distracted and mum started choosing a schoolbag for her. She got all embarrassed, and in an effort to stop our incessant urging, shushed us to shut up.
Young lady, that was rude, and I did not spare my temper on her. She got even more embarrassed. She probably did not realise how rude that was in Asian culture; when she realized it, she tried hard to behave herself. Sometimes they are so mature, and yet at other times, they are not different from little kids. One of the pains of love is to continue to love and forgive when our temper flares.
Talking about growing up. They do grow up fast, and soon they will be leaving home. When we celebrated her sixth birthday, I told myself, one third of her time with us is gone; and as I counted the time she still had with us, I cried.
Then we celebrated her twelfth birthday. Again, two thirds of her time with us had gone. I counted again the years she still had with us. I cried again.
The other pains of love is this - that you should love someone so much knowing full well that you can't keep them.
In many ways, God probably feels the same with us. Sometimes we are so mature, yet at other times, we could be positively wicked and evil.
God loves us so much as he wants to keep us forever with him; yet he loves us enough to let us go, even for all eternity.
Before she slept that night; I gave her a hug, as we always do, and told her that though I might be very mad at her, I still love her. I can't stop loving her whatever happen.
The other pain of love is this - however painful it gets, we still can't stop loving.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Knowing God
Promised my daughter I will blog about God. Here's part II.
The first few weeks I knew about God I was pretty disoriented. It was the cold August winter in Melbourne in 1989. I was busy with my third year med school. Third year is the killer year - if there was a year they want to kick you out, that'd be the year.
Yet for those first few weeks of August I walked around totally disorientated. The assumption I held, the beliefs I took for granted, in fact my entire universe changed. I lived in a universe without God, without absolute values, without meaning for almost as long as I had asked what was life about. Yet from those weeks, I moved to a different universe, a universe in which there is an ultimate being called God, in which there are absolute values, there are meaning to life - for the first time.
I am glad that in those days Paul S was around. We went through some basic - really basic - things in Christianity; things that form our worldview, our "philosophy" of life. From then on I had to re-look at everything in life; rethink every action, reconsider my every word. For those of you who are fortunately not to know me before this, I was pretty much an arrogant bas***d with a loud mouth and a sharp venomous tongue.
Life was pretty much a blur for awhile, but God has been good. And one thing that I am most grateful of, even today, is the guidance that I got during those days.
Well, to cut a long story short, God is still working on me; and tell me if I lapse into my old self again ...
The first few weeks I knew about God I was pretty disoriented. It was the cold August winter in Melbourne in 1989. I was busy with my third year med school. Third year is the killer year - if there was a year they want to kick you out, that'd be the year.
Yet for those first few weeks of August I walked around totally disorientated. The assumption I held, the beliefs I took for granted, in fact my entire universe changed. I lived in a universe without God, without absolute values, without meaning for almost as long as I had asked what was life about. Yet from those weeks, I moved to a different universe, a universe in which there is an ultimate being called God, in which there are absolute values, there are meaning to life - for the first time.
I am glad that in those days Paul S was around. We went through some basic - really basic - things in Christianity; things that form our worldview, our "philosophy" of life. From then on I had to re-look at everything in life; rethink every action, reconsider my every word. For those of you who are fortunately not to know me before this, I was pretty much an arrogant bas***d with a loud mouth and a sharp venomous tongue.
Life was pretty much a blur for awhile, but God has been good. And one thing that I am most grateful of, even today, is the guidance that I got during those days.
Well, to cut a long story short, God is still working on me; and tell me if I lapse into my old self again ...
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Perseverance in Love
I walked into the general medical ward in a bright June morning as a young trainee neurologist to start my round. My residents and house officers were there before me and were keen to get the round over and done with so that they can carry on with the rest of the ward work for the day. I spent a grueling three hours on my feet listening to the residents telling me the story and examination finding of each of the patient – with the young houseman scuffling up and down to bring me results and x-ray films.
Towards the end of the round, I came to this lady in her early forties. She was lying curled up in her bed, even without completing my neurology training at that stage, I could tell she was obviously in vegetative state. She was put in a corner of the ward, and was surrounded with a fold-up chair with long back rest – one that could open up long enough for an adult to sleep in – and little shelves full of books. My instinct told me, the more things there are surrounding a patient, the more the family cares about the patient. The patients with an empty bed table are those without visitors or family. Obviously, someone is spending a lot of time beside this vegetative lady everyday. The nurse looked at her watch. It was nearing lunch time; my round had started at 8 in the morning. She hurried me on by saying, “Don't have to see her, doctor. She's been here a long time. All the other doctors just passed her by.”
My curiosity was aroused. “Tell me her history,” I said to my resident. I saw beads of sweat on his forehead. “Err... she's been here a long time. I will need to dig out her notes to find out exactly what happened to her.” He then hurriedly added, “Well, she is not for active resus. Just for palliative care.”
I looked at the nurse, who had worked there for a few years. “She was a staff nurse here. Something like 12 years ago, she suffered an asthmatic attack and was complicated by hypoxic brain injury. She's been vegetative since.”
“Oh,” I said. I walked toward her and did a quick physical examination. Well, after 12 years she had no bedsore, and no other complication such as pneumonia or urinary tract infection. Someone must be looking her very well. But the mouth was atrocious, full of caries.
“Can we refer her to the dentist?” I told my resident. He was only too happy to comply to get me moving along to the next patient.
The next week, when I came to do my round again, I saw him there. He was in his mid-forties; slightly bald at the front, wearing an old fashion square pair of glasses, and was staring down at his shoes shyly when I walked in. He hurried out before the nurse asked him to. On the way, he looked at me briefly and said, “Thank you doctor. You are the first one who looked at her and asked the dentist to see her.” He said sheepishly.
“Don't thank me. I'm just doing my job.” Feeling slightly embarrassed, I moved on without saying much. Twelve years and no one bothered to look at her mouth, we weren't doing our job.
“Have you found out about her?” I stared at my resident.
“Err..., the record stretched back too long.” My resident said nervously. “Apparently, she had a long history of asthma and came in through the Accident and Emergency Department one day. Somehow ended up having a bad attack that caused her to have hypoxic brain injury. She's been here since.”
Nothing I didn't know. Obviously, too, my resident had not examined her thoroughly.
“What about family support?”
“The family support is excellent. The husband comes once or twice a day just to spend time with her, sometimes reading to her. He will come after the morning and the evening round so as not to disturb the doctors.” The nurse chipped in to help the resident. That also explained the little library and the chair besides her.
“What? For the past 12 years?” I asked with an incredulous tone.
“Yes, doctor. We often see him. He does not stopped even during festive days.” The nurse added.
Since that day I have noticed him walking in and out of the hospital. He had stayed faithfully besides his vegetative wife, contended to just spend time with her even though she could not reciprocate at all. Contended with just her presence, just the mere fact that she was still around to be with. Whenever I was put in charge of the general medical ward I would see him around, sneaking in quietly after I finished my round, as though he was afraid to be chase out of the ward for spending too much time there.
Having finished my training, I have not been back in the general medical ward for quite awhile. A couple of years ago, I stopped seeing him around. Curiously, I went up to the general medical ward and asked what happened to our longest stay patient.
“Oh! She passed away.” The nurse remarked, plainly and emotionlessly, as though commenting on the weather.
I have not seen him since. But his shy and sheepish look burned deep into my mind.
Towards the end of the round, I came to this lady in her early forties. She was lying curled up in her bed, even without completing my neurology training at that stage, I could tell she was obviously in vegetative state. She was put in a corner of the ward, and was surrounded with a fold-up chair with long back rest – one that could open up long enough for an adult to sleep in – and little shelves full of books. My instinct told me, the more things there are surrounding a patient, the more the family cares about the patient. The patients with an empty bed table are those without visitors or family. Obviously, someone is spending a lot of time beside this vegetative lady everyday. The nurse looked at her watch. It was nearing lunch time; my round had started at 8 in the morning. She hurried me on by saying, “Don't have to see her, doctor. She's been here a long time. All the other doctors just passed her by.”
My curiosity was aroused. “Tell me her history,” I said to my resident. I saw beads of sweat on his forehead. “Err... she's been here a long time. I will need to dig out her notes to find out exactly what happened to her.” He then hurriedly added, “Well, she is not for active resus. Just for palliative care.”
I looked at the nurse, who had worked there for a few years. “She was a staff nurse here. Something like 12 years ago, she suffered an asthmatic attack and was complicated by hypoxic brain injury. She's been vegetative since.”
“Oh,” I said. I walked toward her and did a quick physical examination. Well, after 12 years she had no bedsore, and no other complication such as pneumonia or urinary tract infection. Someone must be looking her very well. But the mouth was atrocious, full of caries.
“Can we refer her to the dentist?” I told my resident. He was only too happy to comply to get me moving along to the next patient.
The next week, when I came to do my round again, I saw him there. He was in his mid-forties; slightly bald at the front, wearing an old fashion square pair of glasses, and was staring down at his shoes shyly when I walked in. He hurried out before the nurse asked him to. On the way, he looked at me briefly and said, “Thank you doctor. You are the first one who looked at her and asked the dentist to see her.” He said sheepishly.
“Don't thank me. I'm just doing my job.” Feeling slightly embarrassed, I moved on without saying much. Twelve years and no one bothered to look at her mouth, we weren't doing our job.
“Have you found out about her?” I stared at my resident.
“Err..., the record stretched back too long.” My resident said nervously. “Apparently, she had a long history of asthma and came in through the Accident and Emergency Department one day. Somehow ended up having a bad attack that caused her to have hypoxic brain injury. She's been here since.”
Nothing I didn't know. Obviously, too, my resident had not examined her thoroughly.
“What about family support?”
“The family support is excellent. The husband comes once or twice a day just to spend time with her, sometimes reading to her. He will come after the morning and the evening round so as not to disturb the doctors.” The nurse chipped in to help the resident. That also explained the little library and the chair besides her.
“What? For the past 12 years?” I asked with an incredulous tone.
“Yes, doctor. We often see him. He does not stopped even during festive days.” The nurse added.
Since that day I have noticed him walking in and out of the hospital. He had stayed faithfully besides his vegetative wife, contended to just spend time with her even though she could not reciprocate at all. Contended with just her presence, just the mere fact that she was still around to be with. Whenever I was put in charge of the general medical ward I would see him around, sneaking in quietly after I finished my round, as though he was afraid to be chase out of the ward for spending too much time there.
Having finished my training, I have not been back in the general medical ward for quite awhile. A couple of years ago, I stopped seeing him around. Curiously, I went up to the general medical ward and asked what happened to our longest stay patient.
“Oh! She passed away.” The nurse remarked, plainly and emotionlessly, as though commenting on the weather.
I have not seen him since. But his shy and sheepish look burned deep into my mind.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Chinese School
I think Tan Sri Dr. Khoo Kay Khim does not know what he was talking about when he said that Chinese/Tamil schools should be closed down.
First of all, he believed that by closing down the schools it will help the children to be more competitive in the globalized, international market. I think Tan Sri Khoo has lost touch with the reality of our schools. The hard fact is that there is such a discrepancy in the quality of schools that everyone is shunning and staying away from national schools. Parents who do not want to send their kids to vernacular/religious schools are sending them to private/international schools. If he cares to come back to University of Malaya, just ask any of his colleagues; how many of them send their children to the national schools?
The other oft-quoted reason is that having too many languages in the schools contributes to the polarization in our society. The facts are:
1. There are more national school leavers today than ever, yet polarization is also worse than ever! Chinese and Tamil schools enrollment rates picked up only in the last 10 years. During the 70s and 80s, enrollment was so poor in these schools that some of them have to close down. The majority of the working adults today come from national schools, not the vernacular schools. Proof? Ask your parents or your friends who are in their 30s to 50s, how many of them come from national schools and how many from vernacular schools? Therefore, if anything, this proves the failure of the national schools to combat polarization.
2. Just because we make every child goes to the national school does not mean we have solve the problem of social polarization. Just ask any national school leaver, are they different from the vernacular school leavers in their attitude? Absolute not! The reason is simple, the root cause of polarization is not the schools!
3. If we believe that children should mix around at young tender age to combat polarization, then not only should the government get rid of vernacular schools, but also all schools that segregate children - and this includes the Mara schools, the special boarding schools for bright Bumi kids, the Islamic schools etc. In fact, the government shouldn't even send anyone overseas because there is no opportunity to mix with other Malaysian kids there! You see how absurd is this! Moreover, strange, isn't it, whenever the Chinese schools get blamed on this, none of the other equally segregating schools get mentioned. The fact is, the diversity of our education system is a strength, not a weakness.
Ultimately, the root cause of racial segregation is the government's policies. All these others are just smoke screens and scapegoats.
First of all, he believed that by closing down the schools it will help the children to be more competitive in the globalized, international market. I think Tan Sri Khoo has lost touch with the reality of our schools. The hard fact is that there is such a discrepancy in the quality of schools that everyone is shunning and staying away from national schools. Parents who do not want to send their kids to vernacular/religious schools are sending them to private/international schools. If he cares to come back to University of Malaya, just ask any of his colleagues; how many of them send their children to the national schools?
The other oft-quoted reason is that having too many languages in the schools contributes to the polarization in our society. The facts are:
1. There are more national school leavers today than ever, yet polarization is also worse than ever! Chinese and Tamil schools enrollment rates picked up only in the last 10 years. During the 70s and 80s, enrollment was so poor in these schools that some of them have to close down. The majority of the working adults today come from national schools, not the vernacular schools. Proof? Ask your parents or your friends who are in their 30s to 50s, how many of them come from national schools and how many from vernacular schools? Therefore, if anything, this proves the failure of the national schools to combat polarization.
2. Just because we make every child goes to the national school does not mean we have solve the problem of social polarization. Just ask any national school leaver, are they different from the vernacular school leavers in their attitude? Absolute not! The reason is simple, the root cause of polarization is not the schools!
3. If we believe that children should mix around at young tender age to combat polarization, then not only should the government get rid of vernacular schools, but also all schools that segregate children - and this includes the Mara schools, the special boarding schools for bright Bumi kids, the Islamic schools etc. In fact, the government shouldn't even send anyone overseas because there is no opportunity to mix with other Malaysian kids there! You see how absurd is this! Moreover, strange, isn't it, whenever the Chinese schools get blamed on this, none of the other equally segregating schools get mentioned. The fact is, the diversity of our education system is a strength, not a weakness.
Ultimately, the root cause of racial segregation is the government's policies. All these others are just smoke screens and scapegoats.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Murphy's Law
Friday clinic is always a stressor. You don't really know what time you finish, and with the tropical thunderstorm every evening, traffic is a killer.
Last Friday, not only did I have to rush home to attend a dinner at 7:30, I also had to help Tim with his home work before I go. Just before I left, the nurse strode in and asked if I could see a patient. When I saw the name, my heart sank; she's looking after her husband with dementia alone, and she's facing so many problems at home that she takes half an hour just to vent out her problems. I will be late for everything if I see them!
Murphy's Law, isn't it?
Yet, something nagged at my heart. Okay, I resigned to the fact that I chose the wrong profession. Yes, nurse, we will see him.
Today is a Saturday - one of those rare days that I have the morning to myself to catch up with my work. Just as I was about to start, a friend rang. Dad fell, and is not able to get up. There goes my morning ...
Murphy's Law again.
Yet, surprisingly, on Friday, I had the time to listen to the patient's wife, see the patient, went home through the jam, helped Tim with almost all his home work, and arrived at dinner just in time.
And this morning, I managed to see the friend's dad, came home, and finish all my work.
Amazing, isn't it? God is wonderful and He is trying to tell me here, "Do things in my time, in my way, and I will see you through. Don't see them as interruption, but as ministry opportunity. Don't worry about not able to finish your work. Leave them in my hand."
Yes, we should give in to the small, still, nag from God, and trust Him.
Just that, when the next interruption comes, I will be hesitating again ...
Last Friday, not only did I have to rush home to attend a dinner at 7:30, I also had to help Tim with his home work before I go. Just before I left, the nurse strode in and asked if I could see a patient. When I saw the name, my heart sank; she's looking after her husband with dementia alone, and she's facing so many problems at home that she takes half an hour just to vent out her problems. I will be late for everything if I see them!
Murphy's Law, isn't it?
Yet, something nagged at my heart. Okay, I resigned to the fact that I chose the wrong profession. Yes, nurse, we will see him.
Today is a Saturday - one of those rare days that I have the morning to myself to catch up with my work. Just as I was about to start, a friend rang. Dad fell, and is not able to get up. There goes my morning ...
Murphy's Law again.
Yet, surprisingly, on Friday, I had the time to listen to the patient's wife, see the patient, went home through the jam, helped Tim with almost all his home work, and arrived at dinner just in time.
And this morning, I managed to see the friend's dad, came home, and finish all my work.
Amazing, isn't it? God is wonderful and He is trying to tell me here, "Do things in my time, in my way, and I will see you through. Don't see them as interruption, but as ministry opportunity. Don't worry about not able to finish your work. Leave them in my hand."
Yes, we should give in to the small, still, nag from God, and trust Him.
Just that, when the next interruption comes, I will be hesitating again ...
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
God - How did I come to know Him.
My daughter asks me to blog about God. Wow! What a big topic. I don't think she realises how big a thing she has asked!
Where do I start? Perhaps I could start with my encounter with him.
On hindsight, I believe he has a lot to do with my life before I even knew him. Way back in 1985, when I was still studying for my SPM, my dad had in his mind to send me overseas to study. I was reluctant, honestly, preferring the comfort and security of home. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I had a lot of difficulty getting a student visa though I satisfied every criterion. Miraculously, they approved the visa - I believe this was the first step that God led me to Him.
I went over to Melbourne for my form 6, called VCE there. Now, coming from a Chinese school in a small town (which I should blog about in future) - I could hardly speak, or even understand much English. I first came into contact with a copy of my flat-mate's Bible. I read most of it with little understanding.
Nothing much happened until I was in my third year medical school. I got into contact with some Christians in the university Overseas Christian Fellowship (OCF). Now, for those of you who knew me before my better days, I was really a young, arrogant, son-of-a-b*. Got into much debate with people there, and shot everyone with pretty harsh words. Must say I didn't win all the arguments, but neither did they. Things pretty much got into a stalemate. Then in Melbourne's wintery July of 1989, God moved. He blighted me with the worst depression of my life. I was practically suicidal for no reason. One night, on the 3rd August, I silent spoke to the wall - "If you are there God, you will show that this is from you." Miraculously, the next morning I woke up totally well, as though nothing happened. And I have not looked back since.
Well, the first lesson I learned about God is this - He is BIG; so BIG that He holds everything in His hand - our lives, our emotion, our every breathe. He can do anything if He so wished.
This is also why Australia, or Melbourne, holds such a special place in my heart - Swanston St. (now Cross Culture) Church of Christ is the place I first encountered God, the place where I found Him, where I was spiritually born, discipled, and sent. This is my spiritual home.
Where do I start? Perhaps I could start with my encounter with him.
On hindsight, I believe he has a lot to do with my life before I even knew him. Way back in 1985, when I was still studying for my SPM, my dad had in his mind to send me overseas to study. I was reluctant, honestly, preferring the comfort and security of home. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I had a lot of difficulty getting a student visa though I satisfied every criterion. Miraculously, they approved the visa - I believe this was the first step that God led me to Him.
I went over to Melbourne for my form 6, called VCE there. Now, coming from a Chinese school in a small town (which I should blog about in future) - I could hardly speak, or even understand much English. I first came into contact with a copy of my flat-mate's Bible. I read most of it with little understanding.
Nothing much happened until I was in my third year medical school. I got into contact with some Christians in the university Overseas Christian Fellowship (OCF). Now, for those of you who knew me before my better days, I was really a young, arrogant, son-of-a-b*. Got into much debate with people there, and shot everyone with pretty harsh words. Must say I didn't win all the arguments, but neither did they. Things pretty much got into a stalemate. Then in Melbourne's wintery July of 1989, God moved. He blighted me with the worst depression of my life. I was practically suicidal for no reason. One night, on the 3rd August, I silent spoke to the wall - "If you are there God, you will show that this is from you." Miraculously, the next morning I woke up totally well, as though nothing happened. And I have not looked back since.
Well, the first lesson I learned about God is this - He is BIG; so BIG that He holds everything in His hand - our lives, our emotion, our every breathe. He can do anything if He so wished.
This is also why Australia, or Melbourne, holds such a special place in my heart - Swanston St. (now Cross Culture) Church of Christ is the place I first encountered God, the place where I found Him, where I was spiritually born, discipled, and sent. This is my spiritual home.
Vernacular Schools
Well, it is not right to talk about politics; but I'm almost exploded when Mukhriz said Malaysia should get rid of vernacular schools. Now if those politicians don't say anything against him, they are really going to lose the next election! BN is shooting themselves in the foot everyday. Now, I am not even a PKR supporter, but the rate they go, PKR doesn't need to do anything but to fold their arms and see BN self-destruct.
But ultimately, he is a chicken; when challenged by Lim Kit Siang, he back-tracked and said he didn't call for the closure of vernacular schools.
So, you see what I meant by shooting themselve in the foot everyday ...
But ultimately, he is a chicken; when challenged by Lim Kit Siang, he back-tracked and said he didn't call for the closure of vernacular schools.
So, you see what I meant by shooting themselve in the foot everyday ...
Tagged by my daughter
What's your most favourite colour?
Don't have one. Used to have one when I was younger, but as I age, I start losing my brain cells; I figure I have lost the brain cells the encode my favourite colour.
Who is the most important to you?
God, then my children and my wife.
How often do you think of committing suicide?
Well, a long time ago; but when you have kids, you can't afford to die, however desperate you are.
Do you think you have enough confidence?
Most of the time; perhaps that is my problem!
How many babies you want?
Now this is up to my wife. Dear, how many babies do you want .....??!
Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Yeah, of course; see it most of the time, if you care to look at the sky after rain.
Who is the one who cheers you up and supports you?
Actually, very few people; in fact, none, except God.
Do you believe in eternity love?
Eh, wrong grammar-lah. Where got such thing as "eternity love" one?!
Do you think that the person who tagged you like to play kidnapping?
What, you sick-o, I am an ugly poor old man; who wants to kidnap me; for what?!
What are you really afraid of?
Losing my kids, I suppose ...
What is your bad habit?
Well ... you gotta tell me ...
Do you have a secret crush?
Too old-lah.
Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
Some only; some of my friends are not much of a friend.
What does flying mean to you?
Stress, boredom, work.
What do you crave for the most currently?
Money-lah, what else?!
Are you single/relationship?
You are my daughter, and you ask this sort of question??!!
Describe the person who tagged you in 7 words.
Oh, she is the prettiest, smartest girl in the whole wide world.
What have you done to make yourself happy?
Err... sleep?!! Well, I'm chronically lack of sleep, ok!?
What is the worst case scenario that happened to you in your life?
Not yet.
Who's the worst person in your life?
No one really, except the devil.
Don't have one. Used to have one when I was younger, but as I age, I start losing my brain cells; I figure I have lost the brain cells the encode my favourite colour.
Who is the most important to you?
God, then my children and my wife.
How often do you think of committing suicide?
Well, a long time ago; but when you have kids, you can't afford to die, however desperate you are.
Do you think you have enough confidence?
Most of the time; perhaps that is my problem!
How many babies you want?
Now this is up to my wife. Dear, how many babies do you want .....??!
Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Yeah, of course; see it most of the time, if you care to look at the sky after rain.
Who is the one who cheers you up and supports you?
Actually, very few people; in fact, none, except God.
Do you believe in eternity love?
Eh, wrong grammar-lah. Where got such thing as "eternity love" one?!
Do you think that the person who tagged you like to play kidnapping?
What, you sick-o, I am an ugly poor old man; who wants to kidnap me; for what?!
What are you really afraid of?
Losing my kids, I suppose ...
What is your bad habit?
Well ... you gotta tell me ...
Do you have a secret crush?
Too old-lah.
Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
Some only; some of my friends are not much of a friend.
What does flying mean to you?
Stress, boredom, work.
What do you crave for the most currently?
Money-lah, what else?!
Are you single/relationship?
You are my daughter, and you ask this sort of question??!!
Describe the person who tagged you in 7 words.
Oh, she is the prettiest, smartest girl in the whole wide world.
What have you done to make yourself happy?
Err... sleep?!! Well, I'm chronically lack of sleep, ok!?
What is the worst case scenario that happened to you in your life?
Not yet.
Who's the worst person in your life?
No one really, except the devil.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sermon
God works in mysterious ways. I was dead certain that my message in the church yesterday was so boring that I could have fallen asleep myself. Yet, there were at least a couple of people came to tell me that it was a good message. Perhaps they are trying to encourage me. Perhaps I could console myself that the message was what God wanted me to speak - and so I should not be bother if others found it boring. Yet, somehow, I am still convinced (and guilty at the same time) that I could have done a better job.
For those of you who encouraged me, a big thank you.
For those of you who encouraged me, a big thank you.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Merdeka Award
It is quite an irony that a few weeks ago when I attended a colloquium on Nipah encephalitis. We were quite involved in treating the patients. Someone in the committee mentioned that it was to "celebrate" the 10th anniversary of Nipah that the colloquium was held. Then one of the speakers asked how does one celebrate the outbreak of a disease that killed and maimed the minds of hundred of people? No, we can't. We gather, I would like to think, to ask ourselves how much we have learned about it thus far, and how prepared we are if the next outbreak comes, and what are we doing in the mean time to prevent it.
Then there is the Merdeka Award. The pictures came out in all major newspaper - full page, mind you. Many people congratulated the team, and me, personally. We were treated like heroes. But, are we heroes? Some of us think so, but I'm not quite sure myself. What have I done to deserve to be treated like this? Nothing, actually. I would instead like to believe that we were just ordinary people caught up in an extraordinary situation, and tried our best, no different from everyday people giving their best in their everyday business. Interesting that my daughter should ask where did the money come from. From our oild & gas - something which I have always believe should be set aside a saving for the country's future, rather than being squandered off now like so many other countries. Now don't get me wrong, I am grateful that the team is awarded, but perhaps I don't deserve it half as much as people think.
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