Old Year, New Year

During the last weekend, we brought the kids to one of the places where we used to go as students here. We brought them to one of the Vietnamese streets to enjoy the famous beef pho (rice noodle or vermicelli).

The street has not change much. The food was just as fabulous as it was almost 20 years ago. The kids enjoyed the food - or at least we hope they did as much as us.

Sometimes I feel I miss this food for too long. And I would gladly go back as often as I can.

But it is more than just the food that I have rediscovered here. It is also the memory and the years that we spent here. It is the memory of the night where I knelt before the empty blank wall and surrendered my life to my God and the joyous surprise when I first met my wife. It is also the cold winter nights spent preparing for exam or the long working days in the hospital.

There is a strange sense of familiarity with the whole city here. Sometimes when I drive home at night, I would almost be momentarily confused. Some of the roads looked like what they were 20 years ago. Some of the roadside buildings have not change for the last 20 years.


There is a strange sense of familiarity in this street. Somewhere along the dirty alley and the crowded noisy restaurant, time seems to have stood still. And somewhere between the loud conversations of the patrons and the smell of mint and beef noodles is a doorway back to my youth, a doorway through 20 years of time.

As we count down another year, another decade, and another station of life, perhaps what seems to have gone for good is not lost forever. Perhaps what is lost is the doorway back to where we were. Perhaps if we could only find the way; the tiny restaurant hidden behind the crooked alleyway, or the fresh smell of pine in the early morning sun, or the drizzle in the cold dark winter night, we could once again turn the hands of clock back, and live again what was thought lost forever.

A migrant's psyche

It has been a long while since I could put my thoughts down. It has been a busy two months with my work starting, with adaptation to new work environment, with knowing new colleagues, with finding my ways around ...

Over the past weeks or so, we have also more opportunity to interact with other migrants, old and new. It is quite interesting to note a few things.

When I first went back from here to my home country more than 15 years ago, people from my home country used to ask me if this is a racist country. I used to tell them that interesting enough often it was the new migrants who had difficulty accepting even newer migrants. Those who have been here a long time seem to accept others better. I wasn't quite sure if I were right; I am still not sure.

But after 15 years, and after spending some time with some of the migrants here, there are 3 things that I found interesting.

Firstly, I met a guy in a meeting whose family has moved over, but who is still flying back to his home country regularly and for prolonged period of time to attend to his business there. Interesting to hear from a migrant like him that this country should not accept anymore migrants. He kept saying that there are too many migrants here and migrants are crowding out many of the places here - from housing and accommodation to school places, public transportation and traffic jams. It sounded as though those who have made it here first want to stop more people coming so that we don't have to share whatever good things here with others. I did not think it was polite to confront him the first time we meet - but if the country should not accept new migrants, than why should he and his family be accepted? Paul Hogan in Crocodile Dundee had a fantastic reply when the American female reporter asked him about the relationship between the aborigines and the white; he replied simply, yet profoundly, "Two fleas (the aborigines and the whites) arguing who owns the dog (the country)." Do we own this place simply because we are here first? Have we truly the right to exclude others from coming? As Christians do we not believe that God owns the place and we are but stewards here, and the main responsibility is to share our blessings with others, especially the less fortunate?

Secondly, it was interesting to hear what was the response to the Sri Lankan boat people. Most if not all believe that they should not be granted asylum. Somehow, we believe that most of them were trying to smuggle themselves into the country, and abuse the welfare system once here. And somehow we believe that instead of them we are more deserving to come here, either because of the amount of money we bring in or because of our skills. Is that so? Do we truly believe we have earned the right to be here? Whatever that we have, skills, money or anything else, are these not blessings from God? How are we different from them? We have not earned the right to be here, or anywhere else, for that matter. We are here by the grace and blessings of God, grace and blessings that are given us so that we can share with others.

Thirdly, we have a friend who recently went home for a few months, and when he came back he shared publicly that he was very glad we weren't back home. And we keep giving thanks that we don't have to suffer the racist policy and the discrimination back home. We thank God for the peace, the prosperity, and the good life. In fact, we keep reminding ourselves and our children of all these good things and we keep reminding each other. It is good to remind ourselves, and it is good to thank God. There is nothing wrong in giving thanks, but there is everything wrong if that is where we stop. It is even worst if to others we seem like gloating over their predicament, though that may be the furthest from our intention. The sentence "Thank God my children don't have to suffer from racist policy!" sounds good to those here; but how does it sound to the people back home? How does that sound to those who want to go but can't? How do you explain to your children when they read of this and ask you, as a parent, "Why don't we go?"

At the end of the day; I wonder if all these are the fruits of a deeper problem, a problem that we don't have an answer to, but choose to ignore it and bury it deep in the sand of our unconscious mind. I wonder at the end of the day, whether we can truly, honestly face up to this question, "Did we run away from the problems back home and let the less fortunate others face the music?" A related question is "Why did we leave?"

Why did we leave?!

First month

Yeap! I survived the first month of work. And praise God it hasn't been as bad as I thought. In fact, praise God, it has been quite okay.

I was nervous for awhile when I first started. After a month or so, I believe I am getting the hang of things.

There isn't much difference in the medical side of things. After all, human beings are remarkably alike in many more ways that we thought.

It's just the ways things are done - tests are easier to come by, finances less of a concern; and on the other hand, patients are more demanding and litigation more of a problem.

All these affect the way medicine is practiced here. For the better? Perhaps not always. Overall, efficiency suffers because doctors have to be more defensive.

Going to work is also not as bad. Driving across town to work is something that we are used to do in Malaysia. Traffic is better here as well. So there is not as bad as it seems.

The other thing is weather; weather here changes at the drop of a hat. It could be cold and damp one day, and hot and sunny the next. Overall, though, it is warming up, and we are beginning to have 30 degrees days even early in November. It is forecast that we will have one of the hottest years in decades, with peak temperature up to high 40s mid summer this year.

Work

Finally, I have started work.

Before I started work, I tried baking my bread again; and the two loaves were very successful. One was a simple basic white loaf of bread, the second a cinnamon raisin bread.

It was not too bad. The driving in wasn't too bad. It takes me about 45 minutes, and I arrive 15 - 20 minutes before work start.

The patient base is rather similar to those where I used to work. The challenge is to get to know the system - from small things like which form to use, which icon to click on the computer, to who to talk to.

The kids, though, have to come back by themselves. They take the bus, and walk some 20 minutes home. Good thing is, that is the most exercise my kids have had for a long while.

What surprised me was that for the first two days of work, when I arrived home, my daughter managed to cook dinner for the whole family.

Yes, she is only 13.

And she managed to cook dinner for all of us.

That makes me very proud.

Spring holiday

This has been a good start for us.



For starters, it has been wet over the last couple of weeks, and this brought a relieving supply of water to the dams of Melbourne. Water storage in dams is up, and there is so much snow in the Southern Alpine regions that the snow season is extended.





It also has been a good time for the family. With the last couple of weeks of leave at home, we get to do more baking and cooking. My second loaf of bread looks much better. My daughter was ambitious; she made raisin bun, Scottish crumpets, drop scones, chocolate puddings.


Our old friends from Malaysia visited us, and we went up to the Dandenongs together. The tulip blossom was incredibly beautiful. The kids had a wonderful time feeding parrots, parakeets and cockatoos. The towering gum trees stretching hundreds of feet into the sky was awe inspiring.



Thank God for such a time.

Thank God

Malaysia and Singapore are blessed lands. Surrounded by disaster all around, both countries remain safe and sound. To the west is the 8.3 Richter scale earthquake and the accompanying tsunami that devastated Samoa and some surrounding islands; to the east is another 7.3 scale earthquake in Padang, Indonesia. To the north in Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia is Typhoon Ketsana, and further northeast, another typhoon is on the way to northern Philippines and Taiwan.

And nestled right in the middle, safe and sound, is Malaysia and Singapore.

Praise God for that.

Stories of new migrants

There are a lot of misconceptions about migration and new countries. We often imagine the new place to be better in every way, from career to quality of life, to financial situation of the family, to almost anything and everything else.

Reality is often crueler.

We have not been here long - less than two months, and we have heard many stories of new migrants. The commonest problem is job.

We know of dentists who works as student dental nurses, just to scramble enough money to sit for the incredibly expensive dentist qualifying exam. The annual income of a student nurse is about 24k, the cost of the exam and its accompanying course is more than 40k. Often husband and wife, both dentists, have to work for years to save up enough money for one of them to sit for the exam. The passing rate? Less than 20%. Be prepared to work for a few more years and come back the next round.

There is also a thoracic surgeon who is working in the country 4 hours from here just to qualify as a general practitioner. Even after that, he cannot claim medicare rebate for 10 years - meaning he can't have his own practice but will have to work for an institution.

There are also doctors who work as medical laboratory technicians.

There are high level managers and successful businessmen who have their family here but they would keep their business at home and fly in and out monthly, often for years.

There are many more engineers and managers who have to study to become teachers, insurance agents or simply remain unemployed for protracted period of time.

I have yet met someone who is doing better here than in his/her home country.

Why, then, do people still come. Perhaps they didn't know better before coming. Perhaps what drove them away from their home country is worse than what they face here. But many of them come not so much for themselves, but for their children. They come for a dream.

For their hardship and their sacrifices, I pray that their dream will come true.

Spring

Spring is finally here.

Spring may have been a couple of weeks late, but it is finally here.

The flowers on my neighbour's fence blossomed beautifully. The bold tree that we thought dead produced a wonderful blossom.

The kids are on holiday, too. In their holiday, they managed to make roti canai and pizza, from flour, oil, salt etc.

Yet, this spring is less than happy for me. Soon I will start work, and the kids will start their term 4. I will have less time with the family, less time with the children, less time for cooking a hearty meal for the family, less time to spend in the kitchen with my daughter, or in the park with my son.

They, too, will have to depend more on themselves - from taking a bus home from school all by themselves, finding food once they reach home; and hopefully, quarrel less between the two of them in the midst of all these.

I will look back at these two weeks as one of the happiest time of my life. One of the hardest thing with having children is that you know for sure that one day they will leave you. And before that day come, let me store up my store of memory with the taste of pizza and roti canai that my daughter made, and the smell of fresh pine with my son by my side, and when the day finally come for them to leave, I will still cherish these moments and re-live them again, and again.

Bread

One of my ambition is to bake a loaf of bread from scratch - yes, from flour, margarine, salt, sugar, yeast, water and milk; knead the dough by hand, and bake it in an oven.

So, one day, when my daughter returned home from school screaming that she was bored because there was nothing to do, no home work to be bothered with, no book to read, no text book to revise, I suggested that we bake a loaf of bread.

That cheered up her day, and presto, here's the result.

The whole house smelt fantastic! It has been awhile since my house smelt of that wonderful, fragrant, fresh loaf of bread. Well, it didn't taste perfect - the crust was a bit too thick and hard, and the dough did not rise 100%, or was it because we punched it down too much and did not let it rise the second time? Well, it didn't matter. We had a wonderful time together as father and daughter.

I have not spent as much time with my family in the last 14 years as I have been doing now. Not just because I have not started work, but also because my children are free, too. They don't have so much home work that they don't even have enough time to sleep.

My son just told me the other day - his school bag is empty, except for a change of his sport uniform and his lunch box.

Should I be worry about their academic advancement? Should I be worry that they may not catch up with their friends back home? Well, perhaps not. Perhaps life is more than that. Perhaps, life is that fragrant smell of freshly baked loaf of bread that lingers in your house. Perhaps life is that cracking branches underneath your feet when you walk through the brisk lush green forest reserve on a glorious morning with your son. Perhaps life is that chit-chat after dinner. Perhaps life is that plate of spaghetti that you taught your daughter how to cook. Perhaps life is those small things that fall through our grasp of significance, but nonetheless fill it with small joy, small pleasant surprises, small memories that will endures when all other things fade away.

Spring is late

I am about to start work in a few weeks time. Without me around the kids will have to come back from school themselves. They suggested to walk back, just to familiarize themselves with the neighbourhood. So, after school yesterday, they walked back.

They walk back through a beautiful reserve/park on the way from school. Though it is officially spring, the weather was still chilly, with drizzle, but they enjoyed the 2 km walk tremendously.

The reserve is indeed beautiful, with the small, brown Mullum creek meanders through the heart of it; on the one side is the buck reserve and pony trail, the other schools and houses. Right in the heart of it, you would think you are right in the middle of the bush.

There are quite a number of wild ducks, parakeets, magpipes and other birds in this small reserve. Some of the wild ducks even wander into the backyard of the nearby homes.

Well, officially, it is spring here in Melbourne, but the weather is still damp and cold, just like in winter. I guess, spring is late this year. And the park is still cold, fresh, and beautiful.

Luxury or civility

The other day in church, a lady who has been here for many years remarked that new migrants are unwilling to turn up the heating in the house to save money. Well, that just shouldn't be. She said.

We drive Toyota; one of our friends, another migrant of many years, commented that it's "standard new migrant's configuration".

Another migrant sniggered at the kia-su attitude of Asian parents in giving their kids loads of tuition.

We look down on some who don't queue; or those who rush to get into the lift by elbowing everyone out.

On the other hand, Belinda told me of foreign dentists working as training dental nurses, trying to scramble enough money to sit for their dental qualifying exam by doing jobs that pay next to nothing. Both husband and wife work for three to four years to save up enough money for one of them to sit for the exam. Passing rate? Less than 15%. And they are here with only a temporary work visa.

I learned this lesson whilst in China. I commented that the locals did not bother to queue. The tour guide told me quietly that living is not easy, and competition is fierce in almost every area. If you don't fight for it, you won't even have meals on your table.

That set me thinking - and set me feeling ashamed of myself. Bottom line is, some of the things we consider as civility is a luxury to many.

Many new migrants here cannot find a job, even after many years; and everything here is expensive, especially after so much initial spending to settle in. Can they afford day-round heating? Can they afford any other cars that the reliable, low maintenance, cheap cars?

Can kids in Asia take a relax attitude towards their studies? Even some of the best don't get to do what they want to do. They are faced not only with competitions from other kids, but also an unfair system that discriminate against them on the basis of skin colour. How can they be lax?

In this place, we are laid back on many things, and civil in many more other. To us, these are blessings; to the vast majority, these are luxury. They are not what set us apart as better than others, they are what we should share with those who cannot afford them.

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday Malaysia, .... and Alvin.

Today, of course, is Merdeka day. I found out from my facebook that the celebration is muted this year. Don't know why. There is hardly anything here, except the freshness of our memory, and our mutual reminder inside the family that kept this day Merdeka Day.

My brother's birthday is a day after Merdeka Day. We gathered yesterday over dinner to celebrate his and his wife's birthdays - the two birthdays are days apart.

We have had a good time together. The food was glorious, especially the dessert. For once, the topic of conversation did not quite touch on Malaysian politics.

It still hurts to read many news about Malaysia, sometimes. We may not physically be at home, but home is still pretty much within us.

My birthday wish for my brother and sister-in-law is that they can quickly find their dream house that they can afford.

My birthday wish for Malaysia is that she will be healed, made whole, and once again, celebrate the wealth, richness and strength of her diversity, in tolerance and harmony.

Happy birthday, Alvin.

Happy birthday, Malaysia.

Collecting rent from children

I was in a wedding dinner some months ago when a friend commented that he just could never understand how can parents collect rent from their own children who are staying at home.

Well, I didn't understand it either until last night.

After our usual fortnight Bible study, we were sitting down over supper chit-chatting. With parents together, the topic of conversation quickly shifted to children - teenage children.

The lament was that these kids have no regards for money, or resources. Part time job comes easy - and a 16 year-old could earn eight or nine Aussie dollar an hour. For a weekend job of 8 hours, that's close to 250 Aussie dollar a month - besides money that the government pays. For an 18 year-old they could earn even more. With all the bills paid by the parents, this is free cash that they can spend on anything they like.

So the parents complained that some of these children spend their money on expensive mobile phones, party, and some even on drinks and drug. One parent lamented that some teenagers have no idea of stewardship of money - and they would waste almost anything and everything.

Insisting that they pay some of the bills perhaps is a good idea to instill a sense of good stewardship, and sense of financial accountability and responsibility in these teenagers.

Perhaps I should consider collecting rent from my children once they reach 18 if they still stay with me.

Blessed

Kids these days are pretty blessed. We just celebrated my nephew's 5th birthday in an Italian restaurant. There were pasta, pizza, balloons, flourless chocolate cake (now, don't ask me how does one make cake without flour), presents and many more.

My nephew is an active guy; his parents gave up much to move over here for his future. He is a happy bloke, but I don't think he understands how much his parents sacrifice for him for the many many years to come.

And as parents, we complain. We complain that the kids these days have things too good. We complain that they take these good things, these sacrifices for granted. We complain that too much of a good thing make them go soft. We complain that they are complacent. We complain they don't understand, and they have not seen enough pain, suffering and hunger. We complain that they are spoilt.

But then again, are we any different. If God is our Parent, our Father, have we not spoilt by Him as well. Compare to my parents' generation, how much of pain, suffering, hunger that I have seen? How much of their sacrifices do I not take for granted? How tough am I compare to them? How much do I understand - or even spend time thinking - of what they have given me?

The difference is, of course, in spite of all the complaints I have of my kids, God has not complained about me.

Perhaps there's where we should start - ourselves.

Of coming and going

Having been here only two weeks, I am fortunate to meet up with many Malaysians who have migrated over the past few years. Some have been here long - a full time worker who preached in the church I attended has been here for 40 years; some have been here shorter, from 5 - 6 years to only a year or two.

And when we get together, almost invariably, the topics of discussion focuses on a few things; on Malaysian politics, and on their adopted country. There are many who are most convinced that coming here was the very right thing to do; and they are glad. There are also those who are not so sure. There are also some who have taken a U turn and have gone back to Malaysia, or their home countries. The problem is, of course, we have a selection bias here - we don't get to meet those who have gone back. So those who are here are all the more convinced that they have made the right decision.

The fact is, of course, there is no heaven on earth. There is always the give and take; the advantages and disadvantages, the pros and the cons.

And this just spell out the fact that migration, moving to a new place, does not solve all our problems. We are exchanging one set of problems for another. It is not for me to judge whether it is a right thing or otherwise for those who stay and for those who have, like ourselves, have moved. But I believe, right down underneath, probably almost everyone would agree that moving does not solve all the problems.

What are the problems here? Firstly, apart from cars, things are expensive here. For example, internet connection charges, telephone charges etc are far more expensive here than home. Labour cost is expensive. Secondly, the weather takes some getting use to. Thirdly, the culture takes some getting use to, too. Thirdly, many of us suffer from career downgrading. The lucky ones find job, though not at the level they have had at home. The less lucky ones could be out of work for years. This is above the problems of moving the whole family from one part of the world to another. Fourthly, teenagers grow up differently. Now we can all debate about cultural norms and what is good or better; but every parent wants his or her children to grow up to be useful members of the society, to be happy, to contribute positively to the society and to be a blessing to those around them. Finally, who knows what would happen in future? What I mean is this - no one can predict what would happen to the future of a country. Back in the 1990s, straight after the Tiananmen Square incidents, my mainland Chinese friends here swore that they would never ever return to China. Well, many of them have since returned with the almost miraculous economic growth of the country. Who knows what would happen to Malaysia, and who knows what would happen to the country we are moving to? The first big wave of migration out of Malaysia probably occurred in the early 1970s after the May 13th incidence. The worry was another racial riot. Well, at least after one generation this has not happened. The second wave occurred during the 1980s when Malaysian economy suffered badly. Well, not everyone who came found job here, and I know of people who have to move back, and in fact did better at home. The third wave was probably during the 1990s when PAS looked set to take over the country. PAS has not done that, at least not as yet. So, who can tell what will happen?

The good things? Well, you probably don't need me to tell you this. And, it is not the purpose for me writing this. The purpose is to debunk the myth that getting out solves all our problems.

On the other hand, after meeting those who have come here, I don't see why we should be upset with them - and us included. The biggest issue is probably - and I hope I read this right - that we are not patriotic enough, and that somehow by leaving the country we have betrayed the country, the people and leave others who can't get out to "suffer". But then again, are we not migrants even in Malaysia? Would I blame my grandparents as unpatriotic? Should I return to China to undo their act of betrayal? No, my excuse or reason is that God has put me here in Malaysia. By extension of that belief, I would have to believe that God brought my grandparents to Malaysia to put me here; otherwise I would not end up here. Now if I believe it is God's plan for my grandparents to migrate, what's wrong with it being God's plan for these people - and us - to migrate?

And really, is it really all that bad back home and all that good here? Down underneath it all, we all know that it is not. As I have said before, there are good and there are bad in both.

The reality, the heart of it all, I suspect, is this - that in a globalised world, people have moved away from nationalism to globalism. Nationalism defined the world for the past 200 years. Globalism, for all its good as well as bad and ugly, is what is defining the world today, whether we like it or not. So, to many people, the world is my home. The other reality is that for this generation at least, respect and loyalty is earned. Leaders are not respected simply because they are leaders; they have to earn the respect of their followers; and I suspect this is so because too many leaders have betrayed the trust and respect of their followers in the past. It is the same with countries and governments - patriotism has to be earned, and for the same reasons - too many governments have abused the patriotism of the populace for their own personal gain. If we fail to recognise this, we are deluding ourselves in believing and insisting that the populace would continue to suffer and die for the countries which have thus far betrayed their loyalty and patriotism for so long in the first place.

These are not justifications for us who have left. These are also not pointing fingers. This is what is going on in the heart and mind of many of those who have left one country for another. If we want people to stay back and change the country instead of leaving, we would have to know this and do something about it. Getting angry and calling names are not going to help.

Settling in

In more than one ways, we are blessed. Things seem to have been worked out even before we arrived. A colleague returned from Melbourne, and introduced me to his previous boss, and so I found a job here. Friends from church who have come here a few years before were all eager and keen to help out. My brother moved here a year before us; a cousin who did not return after studying here. We found help all around. Praise God for that.

Well, we are slightly better settled in now. Rented a place, as we mentioned before, and here are some pictures on the place we are renting.

Back to civilisation

After more than a week in the "no internet" wilderness, I am glad to be back to civilisation and connection with the rest of the world.

So what has happened over the last 10 days? Well, we have had a good and safe journey. Just a word of advice for anyone flying Air Asia, don't bother to purchase any inflight meals, just buy the instant noodle.

Anyway, the first thing that hit us when we arrived was the Cold. It is still very cold here, with the howling wind and drizzle all day long.

The children started school. We spent a week getting things done - medicare, driver licence, furnishing the house etc etc.



The house looks slightly better than before - it was totally empty. We live a bit far off town, so without a car it is really impossible to get around. Thank God that my cousin's husband lends us a car to get around.



School here is different, the kids are still getting use to the system and the culture.

It's time ...

The packing is almost all done. The half empty house looks eerie without the pens and papers strewn on the floor, without children's toys at the corners, or newspaper and books on the table top and chairs. The house feels empty without the smell of home cook meal, or the smell of the dog.

I am not sure if it was the flu, or just being tired after all the packing, cleaning, throwing away; but at the end of the day, we were all depressed.

Well, this is probably my last blog before I terminate the internet service tomorrow - until I reconnect at the other end.

Keep in touch.

PS. I still miss the dog ...

Hit by a rock

The last few days have been so busy - busy packing, busy closing, busy saying goodbyes. It didn't quite occur to me, at least, that we are truly saying "goodbye" to our best of friends; it didn't occur to me that we are actually leaving the place until we gave the dog away.

My son was very upset. I was upset for three days.

The place just didn't feel the same without the dog around. She is not here to share my breakfast in the morning. She is not there at the door to greet me when I am back. She is not here to go out with me every night when I throw out the rubbish.

We truly missed the dog. I truly miss her. Even writing about her now upsets me.

In contrast, I had to clear out my office and my house over the yesterday and today. I threw out 10 years of collection of journal articles, papers, goods, souveniers and many more things. I didn't even blink an eye. There was no sadness, no pain, no loss.

Although we spend our lives chasing after material gain, at the end of the day, it is the people - our friends, family, relatives, church friends that we miss the most. All the material wealth does not even compare to the dog that we have.

I shall miss all my friends. I shall miss my dog. Very very much.

Disaster

I was spending my whole night trying to off load some of the files from a laptop before returning it. So I transfered everything important to my new 500G portable hard drive. One of the last files I had to transfer over was a 4.02 G Knoppix DVD version. Unknowingly, my hard drive was using FAT32, which of course could not cope with file larger than 4G. What I did not know - which I should have, because this was not the first time it happened, the first time it wrecked my USB thumb drive - was that in attempting to transfer the file, I corrupted my hard drive FAT, so the whole hard drive crashed!

I could almost cry.

Well, to pick up the pieces, I have to reformat the hard drive - and of course this time I will reformat it to the NTFS, so that it can cope with large file in the future.

But what about all the files that I lost? I tried using PC Inspector to recover the files, but the stupid Window Vista refuses to let me install the programme, because I don't have administrator's right! What a stupid system! What does it mean that I don't have the right!

My temper flared, and I was on the verge of getting my hammer out to smash the laptop had it not been the fact that my kids were around, and that would not be such a good example.

Well, finally, at 2 am, I found this programme - undelete from:

http://www.officerecovery.com/freeundelete/



This small, simple, programme allows me to undelete all the files I deleted while transferring them to my doomed hard drive.

Next time, if you accidentally delete any important file, remember this nifty little programme.

PRAISE GOD!

The only thing left to do is to reformat my hard drive. And you can count how long it will take, all 500G. I think it will be a long, long night for me tonight, and I won't be sleeping ...

God is good

There were lots and lots and lots of worries when we wanted to go over.

First, we worry about the children's school. Which school should we send the kids to? Will the kids fit in? Will they enjoy their school there? Will we be able to afford the fees? Which, in turn depends on whether we could find a job.

So next on the worry list is jobs. Will my wife find a job there? Will I find a job there?

And my job depends on whether they will recognize my training and experience.

And then, church - will they fit in? Will we fit in?

And place to stay - a place near the children's school since we will not be able to fetch them to and fro from school anymore.

There were lots and lots of worries.

But thank God He has prepared everything for us. In a sense, He has gone before us and prepared the way for us.

The first good news was my wife found a job.

Then the school. Then the place to stay.

But the best news must be that the College recognizes my training and experience, and exempted from the exam if I can successfully complete one year of full time work under review.

And then, I had an offer of job.

All these happened in the final two weeks before we fly over.

Praise God for all his goodness.

Catch the moment ...

My Canon camera just died on me. First it was my Twinhead; then my car engine; now my camera.



So we bought a new camera. Now my daughter just dropped her mobile phone into a swimming pool. I thought if we were to buy a new camera, we would need to get one that is shock proof and water proof. So we got a Panasonic Lumix DMC FT1. Honestly the quality of the picture was not as good as my previous Canon. But we need a camera. We need a camera to capture the laughters that are slipping pass our hand, the tears that are drying, the sights that are fleeing, the friendship that will "move on" and "move away", and the moments that become more and more blur in our memory by the second.

We need a camera to capture the last few days we spend here before we move on; we need a camera to seize the warmth of friendship, the appreciation of our friends and colleagues, the prayer of our brothers and sisters from the church, the jokes of our usual coffee-shop kaki's, ....

There is so much to catch up with before we move on, so much to capture before it vanishes in the depths of our memory; so much to savour before it fades away, and so much to praise and thank God for before we forget.

And prayerfully, when we see these same pictures, the laughters will ring back from yesteryear to flood our eyes with tears again; the joy will spill out to cheer us again, the friendship will be rekindled to warm our hearts again, and the praises will ring out from our mouths to our God once again.

Yes, to praise God for friends, for family, for relatives, for our colleagues, for our brothers and sisters in church.

And most of all, to praise God for leading us on this journey of the last 15 years.

Yes, thank God for this 15 years.

How to make a child into a delinquent - 10 easy rules

My wife drew my attention to this page in the June - July issue o Asian Beacon. This is in turn quoted from A Box of Delight, compiled by J John & Mark Stibbe.

1. Begin at infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.

2. When she picks up bad language, laugh at her. This will make her think she is cute.

3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21, and then let him "decide for himself".

4. Avoid the use of the word "wrong". It may develop a guilt complex.

5. Pick up everything she leaves lying around - books, shoes, clothes. Do everything for her so that she will be experienced in throwing all responsibility on others.

6. Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on (nowadays internet material). Be careful that the silverware and glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feed on rubbish.

7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children. In this way they will not be too shocked when the home is broken up.

8. Give a child all the spending money she wants. Never let her earn her own. Why should she have things as tough as you had them?

9. Satisfy his craving for food and drink and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.

10. Take her part against neighbours, teachers, policemen. They are prejudiced against your child.

(Copyright (R) J John and Mark Stibbe 2001. Monarch Books, Mill Hill, London & Grand Rapids, Michigan. First published in the UK in 2001 by Monarch Books, Concorde House, Grenville Place, Mill Hill, London NW7 3SA)

Cycle of Coming and Going

We went back to our home town about three weeks ago, and Belinda dug out some of our old photos - photos of our farewell when we left Melbourne back in 1994.





And then the picture we took when we first returned to Malaysia.



Ironic, isn't it? The day we left Melbourne to return to Malaysia does not seem too long ago. Now we are leaving Malaysia and going back to Melbourne.

Thing is, of course, life has moved on for the friends that we left behind back in 1994. Some of them returned, some of them stayed on; but all of them have moved on with their lives.

Then, there was another farewell picture - this time when we left Negeri Sembilan. Life has moved on for them, too.



That is the price we pay when we move from one place to another.

And in our lives, we have moved a few times. From our home towns to Melbourne, from Melbourne to Pahang, from Pahang to Negeri Sembilan, from Negeri Sembilan to where we are now. And now it is a full cycle back to Melbourne.

My good friend and ex-colleague, Vimalan, has a wise saying. Well, he has more than a wise saying; but this is one of them. There are cycles in life - one of the cycles is this, the cycle of life, of birth and death, of coming and going ...

Mum

My mother was born in a small town in Pahang. It is a beautiful colonial town, situated on the slopes of the Titiwangsa ranges - the spine of ranges that run north-south and split the Peninsula Malaysia into its eastern and western halves.

There are barely two rows of shophouses in town, and the one-way road encircle the town as though it is a giant round about. The giant roundabout of shophouses is split right in the middle by Cross Street, a pedastrian walk path lines both sides by little shops and hawker stalls.

Mum was born in Cross Street.

She grew up in Cross Street; one of 8 daughters and 2 sons.

She was given up for adoption in Cross Street, if not for her eldest brother who came home after school and took her back in a bus that was about to move on the top end of Cross Street.

She grew up in Cross Street; took her daily bath in the river at the bottom of Cross Street.

She fought with her siblings for food in Cross Street, and met up with her friends in Cross Street.

She fell in love in Cross Street, and got married in Cross Street.

Her children were born there, and from there she sent them off to study overseas.

They settle far from Cross Street, many hours away.

And they visit her less and less often, and move farther and farther away.

Mum has grown up and grown old in Cross Street. But she has not grown further from her children wherever they are.

Friends and Moving on

Just came back from Pahang. Have been visiting some of our friends there once a month for the past many years.

I remember when I first visited them with Charles. I am more than glad that their lives have become much better over the last decade.

And I told them about the family's going.

There was a tinge of sadness there and then.

After the church service, on the way back, I had to fight to hold back tears.

What keeps me here is not the food - yes, char koay teow is nice, nasi bryani is great, and mee mamak is superb. Not to mention beef noodle, Hokkien fried noodle, Penang Prawn noodle, nasi lemak ...

Yes, the place is great. The Klang valley has more than 3 million people, about the size of Melbourne, but it is as as green as Melbourne. I have visited Singapore, Hong Kong, Taipei, Shanghai, Bangkok, Jakarta, Dhaka (in Bangladesh), Vientianne (Laos), Tokyo, Lyon, Paris ..., I still prefers the Klang Valley. Honestly, even Paris and Lyon are not as green as PJ/KL, believe it or not.

But what holds us back is the people. Colleagues. Relatives. Family. Friends.

I shall miss them. I told them if and when we come back, we will try to make a trip. They smiled. They knew better. That once life has torn our paths apart, there is barely any chance for us to meet again. And time will ensure that we move on with our lives.

Suddenly, the phrase "move on" seems so ugly.

Caught up by Prayer

Many things happened. My 5 year-old Twinhead gave up her wifi. My Ixus 75 camera died on me. How time passes. And another one and a half months, we will be gone. How time flies.

Well, the whole world finally knows. I was told it was even announced in a chuh conference last weekend that we are going back to Melbourne. I am flattered. Didn't realise anyone would be bother whether we are here or not.

Oh! Yes, it is official. We are flying on 1st August 2009. But don't bother to come, we are flying Air Asia and I heard (not that I know for sure) that the LCCT is not that comfortable compared to KLIA.

There were lots of different reactions to us going. From encouraging to discouraging. From "Do you know Australia has changed a lot over the last 15 years" to "You will be disappointed". Well, the good thing, or the good side is, that most people seem to miss us. I guess it just means that at least we have not done too much harm in the lives of those around us.

Praise God for that.

Honestly, too many questions, and often not enough time to answer.

The commonest question is, "Why do you want to go back?"

Yeah, well, I ask myself the same question, too. You know, sometimes I wake up in the morning, and when I realise that in just another 6 weeks or so we will be packing up and going, I tell myself, I must be nuts to leave all these.

There is so much here for me. Job. Church. Friends. Family. Home. Relatives. Lifestyle. Food. You name it, we've got it here.

Yes, I must be mad to leave all these behind and go.

So, why am I going, then?

Well. It started even before I came back here.

I guess many of you know that I came back (from Melbourne in 1994 to Malaysia, that is) kicking and crying. Yes, I didn't want to come back when I finished there. I prayed and prayed. And I thought God said this to me, "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." (Gen 28:15).

Reluctantly I came back, and settled here. From Mentakab to Seremban to KL, life went on and God has been good to me. Belinda and I got married, we have two kids. We bought our own place. I passed my exams. My career is going on well. My future looks bright in spite of the general gloom and doom.

I planned to settle down here in PJ.

I guess finally my prayer 15 years ago caught up with me. I am not sure if I want to stay back in Melbourne as much as I did 15 years ago. Or even half as much as I did.

But, it caught up with me.

There are so much unknown awaiting me there. Awaiting us there.

What about my job? My qualification? Would it be recognised? Would I need to re-sit my exam? What about the kids? Would they fit in? Would they be happy? What about church? Peer influence? Finances? A roof over our head? Food on the table?

And finally, is it really worth it to throw all that we have here to try out there?

Honestly, I don't know. But my prayer caught up with me. And all that I have to hold on to is, the One who answers my prayer is faithful, merciful and gracious.

And with that, I find peace.

Earth Hour

29th March 2009, 8:30 - 9:30 pm is Earth Hour. Sydney started to switch off all its light on 31st March 2007; and what started from one city has spread all over the world.



My teenage daughter is very keen on it and has been talking about it for the past one week. My slightly younger son is totally unconcerned.

We spent the hour in a local mall, not being able to live without modern amenities and electricity. We bought a few books and came home about a quarter of an hour early. Out of the twenty or so houses in the vicinity of our house, only a handful turned off their lights. I noticed that it was the houses with teenage girls that participated. Perhaps it was a co-incident; perhaps I should not read too much into this; but somehow I couldn't stop to wonder, is it being boys not to be concerned?

After what this generation has done in wrecking the environment and the earth, it is good to know that the next generation is concerned. Kind of remind me what the last few generations have gone through:

fifties - the era of tv and big band music
sixties - the era of freedom
seventies - hedonism?
eighties - money and finances
nineties - chaos and lawlessness?
the new millennium - hopefully one that returns to caring for what we have so wantonly squandered.

I will give you rest

I was pretty stressed out over the past few days. With a tonne of work hanging over my head, an idiot should smashed into my car and destroyed the left front panel. Praise God that no one was injured, and the guy's brown Toyata Hilux spared my front wheel. Took me a weekend and some $$$ to get it repaired. And back at work, I was literally snowed over; inundated, drowned in the amount of work on my table. 

Then last night, in my quiet time, this verse came to me, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." (Exodus 33:14).

The wonderful thing is God has promised us strength and grace that equals our day; and he is our rest and peace. 

Life, according to Bill Gates ...

My wife alerted me to this column in the Star by Dina Zaman on 29th February 2009 in which Dina quoted some "truths" that Bill Gates supposedly said to a bunch of American kids. I thought these were interesting:



Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it.

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something you feel good about yourself.

Rule 4: (and this is for my kids and other kids in Chinese schools) If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger-flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, our parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes, and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were ....

Rule 11: Be nice to neards. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Farewell, Markus

There are many things we will never understand on this side of heaven. Death is one of them. I recently went to a friend's son's funeral. It was painful, heart-rending to see the faces of the parents, families and friends as a fine young man was laid to rest. 

Markus in anyway, any yard stick, was an incredible young man. His death is more than a tragedy for many of us who know him. Yet, the nagging question is still - why? Why him, God? Why such a fine young man who was doing so much for so many people around him? Just google his name, and you will find lists and lists of websites on him. 

In many ways, there are no reasons for tragedies. Sometimes things occur because we make the wrong choice, do the wrong things. Sometimes we suffer because someone else do something bad. At other times, bad things just happened. 

To quote Mel Gibson as William Wallace in Braveheart, "Everyone has to die, but everyone lives."

Markus, you really lived.